When Wendell Sailor takes to the field on his NRL return tonight, it will mark the end of a nightmare two years for his wife, Tara, who helped him through the darkest days of his drugs ban, writes Jessica Halloran.

It took a year for Tara Sailor to lose it. At first, the footballer's wife seemed indestructible. She picked the children up from school with a smile on her face. She was a rock for her husband. She coped.

Even a day after Wendell Sailor's positive drug test was revealed, when a photograph of Tara had been printed on the front page of a newspaper accompanied by the assertion that she was having a "lonely, miserable Mothers' Day", she soldiered on.

But in the autumn of 2007, on a car ride across town with her husband, Tara's strength finally shattered. She went ballistic. It was about the time South Sydney and St George Illawarra had started to court Sailor and Tara became very angry.

As she puts it, she "lost it". "Now it's my turn," Tara said. She cried. "I had this feeling of, 'Hang on, you don't deserve to get taken back yet'. I still had this feeling we are still paying the price for all of this and you get to talk to a team that wants you back? It was such a contradictory thought because I really, really wanted him to get back into [rugby league].

"Sometimes they think you're indestructible. I needed to let it out. I needed to let him know that 'I'm not OK with this. I'm not coping. I've just got a show on for the kids'."

On the eve of his return to the NRL, Sailor and Tara talk excitedly in a Bronte cafe about the future but also about the pain of the past two years. It is not easily forgotten. As Tara talks about "devastating" memories, Sailor sweeps her stray hair away as it falls near her eyes. The hulking footballer is clearly sorry for what has happened to their family because of a foolish mistake on a night out.

"[My lowest point] was what I put the family through," Sailor says. "It wasn't about the footy."

The 33-year-old says if it wasn't for Tara's love, he wouldn't have made it through the trying times. When his wife enters the cafe, you can still see he adores her. He admires her sleek hair style and, when she's not listening, notes how "sexy" she is.

And over the past two years Sailor has determinedly tried to fix the things that caused such upheaval for his family life and almost obliterated a stunning football career. Not many have worn Maroons, Kangaroos, Waratahs and Wallabies jumpers.

On a rainy day near the beach, the ever-candid Sailor admits he has seen a psychologist to help him work through issues. This relieved Tara.

"I find with Wendell sometimes, sometimes he thinks 'It's all too good, it can't be happening to me, I don't deserve it'," Tara says. "I know that about him."

Sailor interjects: "You call it destructive behaviour, don't you?"

Tara replies: "I call it destructive behaviour. I can sense it coming on … while it's not happening ever again. When everything's perfect, you just sabotage whatever's in your little mind. All the issues that Wendell had. He had to fix them."

She looks at him as she says: "We all believe in him. I just want him to fully believe in himself as a person. Not as a footballer. That's the least that he can do back for us. We've been here through everything as well."

When he is around Tara, Sailor's brashness disappears. The once-diamond-decorated star certainly doesn't talk as much. And he readily admits his flaws.

"To be honest," Sailor says, "I'm a pretty weak person. When I'm a footballer, when I'm at football training, I'm mentally strong. When it comes to having a few drinks, I become weak."

The journey has been long but there have certainly been positives for the couple's children, Tristan, 9, and Matisse, 5.

With time away from football, Sailor has been more present as a father than ever. For the past two years, he has been able to coach Tristan's football team. Sailor tells how he regularly meets with the kids' teachers and picks them up from school.

"I've really liked going to meet their teachers and looking at report cards," Sailor says.

Matisse, who is most like Sailor and likes to talk in the third person like "Dell", has had her dad watch her at dancing class. When he once would have had football commitments, he's been to swimming lessons and watching them trek cross-country courses. "They will always remember that," Tara says.

Later on, Tara confides how it's been great having Sailor at home to do the housework. But during the ban and without the routine of training, or the cushioned football-club environment, negative thoughts did creep in. At times, Sailor found it easier to rest his big frame on the couch, watching television. "You get out of that mindset," Sailor says. "You don't train as hard. A few times, I thought, 'Why bother'?"

At those times, there was Tara, his rock. "There was a period when a few people and I had to keep a close eye on him," Tara says. "We had to make sure he didn't get too down about it all."

The hardest times were when the criticism never seemed to stop. "And that has a ripple effect on your family," Sailor says. "It puts a lot of pressure on your family, on your friends."

Tara was amazed by the barrage of criticism her husband copped for his appearance on the TV show Dancing with the Stars. Some TV viewers threatened to boycott the show and one newspaper columnist wrote "surely Seven could find better role models amongst the sporting ranks". It seemed as though Sailor just couldn't do a thing right, Tara says. "That was hard to deal with, all these criticisms of Wendell," she says. "Even when he was doing Dancing with the Stars. People were saying he should be doing this and that. For one, he was trying to support his family. And, two, I got really angry at that point. He's trying to get the family right and that's what's most important."

At times, Tara decided she wanted Sailor to pursue his football overseas. "I wanted to go away and live in France," she says. "We could avoid all the people that were bagging us. But I'm glad it's worked out this way."

It's not only Tara that has supported Sailor through the past two years but also his mother, Alison, and his in-laws, Carol and Hockey Vernon, that have also carried him through. They are making the trip to Wollongong from Queensland to watch Sailor run out for the Dragons against his former NRL club Brisbane tonight.

"Tara's a great mother and wife," Sailor says. "I've been quite lucky to have her support but her parents have been great to me. I've been very lucky to marry into a family like that. Their love is strong."

Tonight will be a celebration of Sailor's return to the game. A time to forget the horrible memories. Their kids have new St George Illawarra jumpers and are almost giddy with excitement. Is he nervous? Sailor stretches back in the chair and replies: "No, not at all. I'm looking forward to it. I'm looking for redemption on the field in front of a big crowd. I think that's when I do my best work."

Tara says: "He thrives on this sort of stuff. This is his moment."